The Outbound

So, it felt like ages since the last time I wrote a diary here. I just woke up from a very good nap. I still feel a bit feverish and this uncomfortable sore on my throat from yesterday's illness.

I went to this so called English camp last Monday with the fourth and the fifth graders. We left for the camp, well it's not actually a camp as we didn't have the camp there but hotel, on Monday morning. It is located somewhere in Trawas. We arrived at about 8 o'clock. There was the welcoming from the management and right after that the kids played these ice-breaking games with the instructors. Then we had our lunch together at the hotel hall.

Soon after that the rain started to fall down. I had this odd feeling as the wind blew very strongly. I just knew there was something wrong with me. Then I started sneezing, then came the fever. Gosh I couldn't believe I was ill. WTF! This outbound was supposed to be fun, but not anymore when fever unexpectedly made you lay down on the bed helplessly. So I spent the rest of the day in the hotel room. I took a pill given by a friend and then tried to sleep. The worst bit was that my roommate couldn't manage to keep me company as for some weird reasons she was asked to sleep with some of the girls in another room. So I was dreaming about home that night. It was kind of a dream that usually comes to those ill little children. Really uncomfortable!

When I woke up the next day I felt a lot better. It was 4:30 in the morning. I was performing Salah Subuh when my supposed-to-be-a-roommate entered the room. She was checking if I was better and I said yes. So off we went for a walk with all the kids. It was chilly! Lucky me I was feeling better that morning. the view was gorgeous!

Back to hotel! We had breakfast which was not really nice as it was already cold. I hate eating cold food. I managed to finish it though as I didn't want to worsen my condition. Then along with the kids we went to the outbound area. It was so much fun! I tried two of the stuff they had there which were great. I was so freaked out however that I almost cried. Seriously, it looked a lot easier to see other people doing it, but totally creepy when you had to do it yourself. I was being such a coward when I screamed: "no, I'm not going. I want to go down." But this guy who helped me put the safety things for the flying fox pushed me without me noticing and yes, I made it at the end! And I was so proud of myself. You should go if you've never been to such thing, even if you had this height-phobia you would find it fun! xxx

Dia Itu Cinta

Jika aku diminta untuk menyebutkan satu alasan kenapa aku begitu menginginkannya, maka jawabanku adalah karena aku membutuhkannya. Seperti aku menginginkan udara untuk bernafas, seperti aku menginginkan segelas air untuk minum, maka seperti itulah aku menginginkan dia. Menginginkan semua tentangnya, seutuhnya, selamanya. Semua karena aku membutuhkannya.

Mungkin kehadirannya tidak terlalu kurasa, tidak menjadi hal luar biasa, tapi saat aku menyadari betapa besar rasa sakit dan perih yang ditimbulkannya saat dia meninggalkanku, taulah aku betapa dalam sayatan luka yang ditinggalkannya ketika dia beranjak pergi dari tempat dimana dia biasa menungguku.

Seperti setiap kali kau menghirup udara saat bernafas, istimewakah proses itu bagimu? Atau saat kau meneguk segelas air untuk minum, luar biasakah kejadian itu? Tentu tidak seluar biasa ketika kau merayakan ultahmu yang ke-17, tidak seistimewa ketika pacar pertamamu mengajakmu berkencan, tidak seluar biasa semua itu.

Tapi taukah kau betapa menyiksa saat kau mencoba menahan nafasmu meskipun hanya untuk beberapa detik saja?? Betapa kau tidak kuasa saat kau kehausan namun tidak ada segelas air pun yang bisa kau minum?? Seperti itulah rasanya saat aku mencoba melupakannya.. saat aku mencoba menolak hidangan cinta dan kasih sayang yang ditawarkannya. Sesak, perih, sedih, sakit, hancur..itulah serangan pertama. Kehilangan semangat, tujuan dan harapan adalah serangan berikutnya. Dan tahap akhir adalah hilangnya jiwa. Menjadikan aku mayat hidup atau zombi.

Dia.. begitu biasa namun efeknya luar biasa.
Dia.. hanya satu nama namun maknanya berjuta-juta.
Dia.. begitu dekat namun misteri menyelubunginya.
Dia.. khayalanku yang terindah.
Dia.. cintaku yang pertama.
Dia.. udara..
Dia.. air..
Dia..

Seems like March is such an inspiring month! Can't believe-again that I wrote this other piece of writing in March. This one is on March 8, 2009-so it's been 2 years. It brings back all the memory like a sudden flashlight, makes everything as clear and bright as ever. What a diary!

Keajaibanmu

Seperti angin yang berhembus pelan sejukkan hati

Kau datang membawa harapan kosong yang takkan pernah kudapat

Namun begitu damai kurasa

Seperti pisau yang tajam menggores hati

Kau pergi membawa semua kenangan indah bersamanya

Betapa besar rasa ini kurasa

Tak rela untuk lepaskannya

Namun tak sanggup untuk hidup bersamanya

Ingin kujaga setiap debaran hati

Ingin kusimpan jauh di dasar sana

Dimana tak ada orang berusaha merampasnya

Meski jujur kusadari debaran itu telah menghancurkanku

Menghempaskanku jauh dan jauh

Dan kini kuberada di surga

Kurasakan semua kebahagiaan cinta

Jika waktu itu tiba akan kulepas semuanya

Dirimu dan semua keajaiban yang kau berikan untukku

Meski dengan begitu…

Maka matilah debaran dalam diriku..

I copied this piece of writing from my old blog. I can't believe I wrote it on March 17, 2006! So it's been 5 years! I guess now I come to that last line of the poem which is so sad. I feel pathetic now.

Stunningly Bright Red

by silly but lovely

Most people pass me by

I don't mind

I look up to the grey sky

Yet try to unwind

Life has been a monochrome

With it's quiet air

And I hide from the storm

Even not be able to stare

Let me colour your day

Hey you a lost stranger

Then you know how to stay

Be a brighter creature

I am red amongst the grey

You are grey amongst the red

We are neither crystal glass nor clay

Glory be, don't feel bad

The Whispering Flower

by Silly but Lovely

please come and find me

I won't be here for long

I have saved this sweet honey

I have sung this eternal song

please do search for the way

I can't wait any longer

My fragrance is fading away

and the rain is becoming heavier

please see me at a glance

then you'll feel the breeze

and I'll whisper to you about the chance

and you're no longer to freeze

A Busy Morning

I had promised the kids the other day that we're going to make burgers together. So off I went to school this morning getting ready for our "cooking class". I got there at 7:15, some of the kids managed to come earlier though I told them we'd start at 7:30.

Then we collected all the stuff we needed for the cooking and put them on the table. We had everything but the lettuce. Not a big deal as we don't really into such veggie anyway. Then I had two of the kids did a presentation on how to make burgers before we ate all the things. We also managed to make mango juice, well technically it wasn't that juice where you had the real mango and blender. We just bought this instant mango juice at the supermarket. However it still tasted nice!

Everybody was so full that we couldn't finish the fries and mushroom crisps. There were 3 boxes of fries and 1 box of mushroom crisps left. I asked the kids to bring them back home. We were all excited and really enjoyed our breakfast. Indeed, it was a busy morning at school!