Come, February!

"wenn du mich sehen willst, mach einfach die Augen zu."

I took a small cup out of the cupboard and placed it on a saucer. I started my routine. I grabbed a kettle, poured in some fresh water from the tap and placed it on the stove. Afterward, I got the heat going. While the water was boiling, I pulled out a tea bag. I knew, as a wise man said good tea did not come in any. Good tea was loose. But I was just being lazy. And as another very wise man said, tea bags were the best way out. I dumped the tea bag in the cup, added a heaping teaspoon of sugar and pouring the hot water over them. I let the tea steep for about two minutes, pulled the bag out of the cup and threw it into the rubbish bin. I stirred my tea with a spoon for a couple of seconds and ta da! My favourite beverage was eventually ready. 

Holding my cup, I walked toward my room. It had been a long day! I had had three classes this morning, a journalist meeting, an assembly rehearsal and a great deal of marking. Not to mention some private courses I had to attend in the afternoon! Yet, I still got a drama script and a couple of lesson planning to write. So I decided to let the word processor start working. It seemed that my entire life had been centered around three things lately; school, my room and laptop. I didn’t go out very much since I moved back to the same town where I spent eighteen years before finally moving to another city for my study in 2003. No matter how much I had adored my new place in the city or how I had found it so easy to fit in, when I graduated from university back four years ago, I was expected to leave. Mum and dad had insisted on me staying with them. I welcomed the idea, and, to be honest, was rather pleased at the thought of not having to cook or buy my food anymore. I was a little bit farther from freedom than I had been since I moved in, but I was such a home person myself, so I didn’t mind the situation at all. In fact, I enjoyed being buried deep in my current jobs. I wondered how people found my life boring! 

I read some idiotic updates my friends, or I’d rather call them acquaintances, had written on facebook. I got a bit annoyed every time I came across some shallow sentences for no particular reasons. It was getting worse and worse all the time. So I was determined to unsubscribe those people who had a tendency to do so. It was just so that I didn’t end up hating them. No hard feeling or sort of. I was glad that none of them were my close friends. Suddenly one picture caught my attention. It was a picture of that person I had been quietly falling in love with. He looked confident and comfortable as he always did. This was how things used to work in my world. I missed a person so badly but I could only stare at his picture wondering if he even ever thought of me. It wasn’t until a month ago that the hesitance had evaporated. I shouldn’t remain oblivious. He had unintentionally hurt me with his lack of awareness. His silence was a poison. Thus I determined to let myself under his spotlight.

“Where are you?” I typed in the letters instantly. Winamp player was currently playing Katy Perry’s Thinking of You. What a perfect background! I seized my tea cup and sipped my almost-cold tea, waiting for him to reply.

“In you heart.” He said innocently without realizing how his short respond had inevitably managed to make my day.

“Stop that silly phrase, please? Where, literally in the world, are you?” I tried to sound equitable rather than pleased, though the truth was definitely the other way around. I was high. Being glad it was a cyber world conversation, I couldn’t help picturing the boy saying the phrase in person. I was such an incompetent liar, I had no idea how I would have made a fool of myself if only he had flirted me that way right before my eyes.

“I’m currently out of town, girl.”

"When are you going home, then?" I was craving something like 'next week'. No such luck.

“Probably next month. What’s the matter?” It sounded like one of those trick questions to my ears. 

“Mm…nothing. Do you really want me to utter it? You know precisely why. You’re just trying to get me to utter it, aren’t you? Well, I’m missing your smile, I suppose?”

“Is that all?” Just another trick question.

“Just let me know when you’re home, please? I MISS YOU.” I was only imaginarily typing the last sentence, of course. No living creature on this planet would be able to read it, not even myself. But I knew he got the message. The telepathy had never disappointed me so far. It was an agreement between hearts. They had their very own way to reveal each other's disguise. Mine told his that I longed for his master, and vice versa. Wasn't it amazing how you effortlessly could admit your feeling without necessarily reciting the alphabet?

Moment later, I told him the farewell and logged out. I was finishing my tea, tried to enjoy every sip of it, while waiting for the office to dissolve. I was determined to be naughty by not finishing the drama script. I was just too tired, or, probably, so madly in love that I couldn't occupy my mind with anything. I ushered myself back to the kitchen and put the dirty cup into the sink- I didn't even bother washing it. So much for neatness. But one thing for sure, from that moment on, I was eagerly waiting for February. Komm, Februar!

I Miss You Too

"I'm not such a spoilt brat.. Yet this time I sure miss you a lot, Love."

I stared at the blank monitor, waiting for the windows to start appearing. Normally it took only a couple of seconds, but this time it felt like I had been waiting for ten times longer. How irritating when you indeed needed to hurry, everything just seemed to betray you. I actually could print the fifteen-page-long drama script at school, but I assumed there wouldn’t be enough time. Today I had two classes which each lasted seventy minutes. My first class began at exactly seven. Then I had a ten-minute break before the second one. So I calculated I would finish at nine thirty. This meant that I had only thirty bloody minutes to print off the script, photocopy and give it out to the kids for them to study for the ten-o’clock assembly. There was no way this plan would work. So I thought of another plan which was to print it off at home, bring it with me and ask somebody at school to photocopy it while I was teaching. So by the time I finished my class, the script would be already there on my table. Sounded like the best option I had.

I plugged the printer’s wire and then pushed the power button gently. I double clicked on a certain word file and as soon as it was open I hit ‘Print’. Waiting for the script, I logged into yahoo and checked my email. There were six unread emails emerging before my eyes. They were all some sort of notifications from an unpopular site I managed to join the previous day. I didn't even bother reading before I deleted them all. Then suddenly, an offline message popped up. Instead of clicking it, I found myself put my right hand off the mouse. My heart raced. For what felt like a full minute, I was stunned. It had been ages since the last time the same sender sent me a message on yahoo messenger. It seemed to me that he had been in a different solar system for the past couple of months. Now he was surprisingly there, back into business. 

I couldn’t resist the rush to read the message, so I clicked the chat window. A graphic emoticon popped up. Wink Smiley. Nothing else. Not even a single word of ‘hello’. What did I expect? A romantic love message? I knew exactly that just wasn’t his style. So a smiley was extraordinary. At least he made the effort. However, it was like trying to solve one of those twisted riddles. What brought him back, I wondered. Did he send it accidentally? No, that didn’t sound possible. He didn’t seem the one who could make such silly mistake which showed nothing but his clumsiness. Did somebody else use his account and sent me the message? No, that didn’t sound possible, either. He wasn’t the one who was so careless that a stranger managed to hack his account. I kept thinking, yet found no rational answer. Apart from the thought that he simply wanted to talk to me, deep down my heart, I realized I was hoping that he did it because he simply longed for me. 

I wasn’t sure where I got the courage, but in less than a minute I found myself actually typing ‘I Miss You’. It was the best thing I could come up with. Yes, I was sane. In fact, I had never been this sane. God did work in a mysterious way. I, the woman who was never good at flirting, now was trying to do a love statement. Was I really ready to get humiliated? The answer was yes. So regardless of the embarrassment, I bravely pushed ‘Enter’.  I’d assured myself it wasn’t such a big deal. There was definitely nothing wrong with being honest about my true feeling, wasn’t it? I didn’t lie. Beside, it was good to let him know that all this time I had been missing him. And that I was hurt every time the thought of him crossed my mind. I didn't know why but that sounded fair. To let the person you love shared your feeling. So you wouldn't need to feel so alone. I should be glad I supposed.

Moment later, my window chat was blinking. I received a new message. He replied. This time it was a bit longer than mine. It read, ‘I Miss You Too’. My heart practically shrieked. It was hard to believe. He said he missed me! Was that real? Or was it just a dream? I read it over and over again. I must have been dreaming. Then one very sentence from him woke me up, “even if it’s a dream, we can build this together.” And with that, he had me all over again. I smiled. I was done with the printer. I grabbed that fifteen-page-long script and shoved it into my handbag. I pushed the printer’s power button and got the wire unplugged.  I unwillingly logged out yahoo, and then switched my laptop off. It was a beautiful morning. And for the rest of the day, I had to suppress the urge to tell the whole world how happy I was. I missed him. He missed me too.

When I Knew

"Aku sadar aku menggilaimu sejak aku membaca setiap kata yang kau lempar keluar

dari otak rumitmu itu."

Seventeen past three. I was struggling with drowsiness. I remembered the night before I had been determined to turn off the telly exactly when the clock stroke twelve. Literally midnight. It had been the first time I actually managed to beat the time. I meant how cool was that? Here’s a fact, nights and me had never been friends. Not even close. I hated it and it hated me even more. I unsurprisingly never survived midnight. So it was a bit of miracle to keep my eyes, both eyes, wide open at such very late time. I didn't know exactly when I had finally managed to fall asleep. Obviously not long after I shut my eyes.

Seventeen minutes ago I had been awake. It had taken me some minutes to finally realize what was going on. So I reluctantly dragged myself out of the room and headed to the loo. I badly needed to take a pee. Oh crap! Here’s another fact, I had a tendency to imagine ghosts, vampires and all those creepy creatures would suddenly appear on the glass window here on my toilet. No, I was not being paranoid. I just couldn’t help it. It was one of those bloody embarrassing secrets. There was no way I would let people know. They would laugh at me, right in front of me. No doubt.

I tiptoed back to my room, secretly wondering if dad and mum had heard anything. It was so quiet that I could even hear my dad’s snore. I listened again. There was nothing. I assumed they were both in such a deep sleep. It was such a relief. I knew I was supposed to go back to bed, instead I decided to grab my laptop and entered the living room.  I chose one of my favourite corners in the house and began to turn my laptop on.

It was entirely dark outside. The cold touched me gently. I heard the wind whispered me a good-night. The moon and the stars sang me a lullaby. The rest of the world was still asleep. So was facebook. I played around. I moved the cursor aimlessly wondering if I could find something exciting. Five minutes had past. Nothing. Another five-minute past. Still nothing. Then I came across your name. Your bloody name. I instinctively moved the cursor and clicked the button. A recipe for a disaster!

It was the same boring page all over again. A little bit of disappointment flushed through me. Yeah, just like I hadn't expected it. No sign of your existence. It was just an empty old house no body seemed to care. I should have known. I looked more intently and was sure you had been away for a while. Those abandoned phrases were the only way for me to trace you. That you had once actually lived there, in the brisk world of facebook. Again, I should have known. Then why bothered hitting the button over and over again?

I moved the cursor up and down, left and right. I read through whatever you had written for the umpteenth time. I smiled when it was romantic, laughed when it was ludicrous. I admired your choice of words and was amazed at your point of view. And I felt this unpleasant odd feeling when you flirted. The thought of you had made me paralyzed. Then my heart beat indescribably faster and faster. Mix feeling. Same old thing. I shouldn't have done this in the first place. It always ended up like this. Somehow I knew this time it was different. I just couldn't place it. It was rather a blur.

Next, I felt the rush to go to bed. It seemed that my eyes just couldn't take it any longer. I did a quick calculation. In less than three hours I had to be at school. I turned off my laptop and left it on the chair. As I stood, those random memories of you immediately replayed in my head.  All of a sudden I felt secure. Peaceful. I had found my very own personal space! The thought surprised me, but more in a I-knew-it-was-going-to-happen sort of way. This was the most peculiar moment I had ever had in my life. I was walking to my room with both eyes half closed. I was falling in love with you. I was missing you. I was literally tracing you. And nothing felt better.

Menghargai Karya Orang Lain, Sesusah Itukah?

“Ajarkan anak-anak itu cara menghargai karya orang lain sejak dini, maka semoga saat dewasa, mereka tidak menjelma menjadi pribadi yang bisanya cuma iri hati.”

Tidak diragukan lagi, Indonesia memang terkenal sebagai negara yang kaya akan kebudayaan. Dari sejak kita SD sampai duduk di kursi perguruan tinggi, para guru dan dosen seolah tidak pernah lelah sesumbar betapa beragamnya budaya dan tradisi negara kita ini. Tentu saja hal tersebut menjadi kebanggan tersendiri bagi bangsa Indonesia. Mengingat banyak negara di dunia yang mau tidak mau dipaksa untuk berdecak kagum atas warisan nenek moyang tersebut. Tidak sedikit pula yang merasa iri. Bahkan ada yang nekat untuk  ‘nyolong’ kebudayaan itu.

Hal yang bisa dimaklumi. Lihat saja betapa cantik dan menawan para penari bali dengan kain dan aksesoris berkilaunya. Betapa ayu dan anggun para penari Jawa dengan balutan kain batik yang tiada tanding coraknya. Betapa damai suara angklung di telinga, yang secara misterius seolah membawa ketentraman pada batin si pendengar. Atau betapa nikmat rendang Padang di lidah, memanjakan liur yang seketika menggeliat hanya dari mencium aromanya. Dan itu hanya segilintir dari sekian banyak kebudayaan yang dapat disajikan bangsa Indonesia. Wajar saja kalau mereka, bangsa lain, akhirnya begitu terobsesi dan menggebu untuk mengakui semua itu sebagai propertinya. 

Tapi kebudayaan tidak hanya sekedar hal-hal yang kasat mata, yang materiil. Bukan cuma kain, alat musik, makanan ataupun gerakan tari. Kebudayaan bisa juga dalam bentuk karakter bangsa. Mental bangsa. Lantas dengan begitu kayanya kebudayaan ‘materiil’ kita, apakah kebudayaan ‘karakter dan mental bangsa’ kita ini juga kaya? Aku tidak mau mengeneralisir jawaban dari pertanyaan tersebut. Karena mengeneralisir berarti aku harus berani mempertanggung jawabkan secara menyeluruh. Namun aku bisa menggambarkan sebuah situasi yang mungkin sedikit, aku tegaskan sekali lagi di sini- hanya sedikit,  bisa membantu memberi jawaban. 

Seorang karyawan baru  menimbulkan kehebohan di tempat kerja. Bukan kehebohan macam anak SMA menyambut siswa baru yang cantik atau tampan. Tapi dalam bentuk bisik-bisik tetangga akibat rasa sebal dari para rekan kerja. Si anak bawang di anggap sok tahu dan ‘keminter’ karena berusaha menerapkan cara pandang dan sistem kerja yang berbeda dari para pendahulunya. Setiap si karyawan baru melakukan terobosan atau sekedar menyampaikan pendapat, bukan pujian yang di dapat, melainkan cibiran meremehkan.

Apa susahnya sebuah apresiasi basa-basi di mulut? Mengatakan hal itu brilian, bahkan ketika kenyataannya biasa saja. Tidak ada ruginya bukan mengapresiasi usaha seseorang? Justru hal ini akan banyak menghasilkan keuntungan di masa depan. Si anak bawang justru akan semakin bersemangat menghasilkan ide-ide baru. Siapa tahu kelak salah satunya akan menjadi inovasi luar biasa.

Ternyata inilah salah satu titik dimana kita sedikit ‘miskin’ kebudayaan.  Miskin menghargai pendapat. Miskin mengapresiasi karya. Miskin karakter dan mental. Kita tidak terlatih untuk mengamini kepintaran orang lain. Sebaliknya, justru sangat terampil menjadikan orang tersebut objek gunjingan. Kita tidak terbiasa menjadikan kecerdasan orang lain sebagai bahan motivasi. Sebaliknya, malah menjadikannya suatu alasan untuk merasa terintimidasi. Kita sepertinya juga tidak terdidik untuk antusias dalam menerima ide-ide baru dan cenderung menganggap hal itu tidak lebih dari usaha cari perhatian. 

Oleh karena itu, penting untuk mengajarkan nilai menghargai karya orang lain ini sejak dini. Tentu saja dalam artian menghargai yang sesungguhnya, bukan yang ditambah-tambahi semata demi keuntungan pribadi. Tapi penghargaan yang tulus atas usaha seseorang. Dengan harapan untuk memberi motivasi secara tidak langsung kepadanya agar terus berkarya dan menghembuskan ide-ide baru. Sehingga tidak ada lagi yang namanya generasi tukang iri dan pendengki. Mereka yang melihat keberhasilan orang lain sebagai objek yang bisa mengancam posisinya.

Sudah waktunya kita melahirkan lebih banyak lagi generasi yang siap menerima tantangan dan mau mengakui kelebihan orang lain. Mereka yang mau bekerja sama dengan siapa saja tanpa perasaan risih. Karena pada dasarnya, mau menerima dan berkawan dengan mereka yang luar biasa, perlahan juga akan mengubah kita menjadi pribadi yang tidak sekedar biasa saja. Dan begitulah seharusnya karakter ini untuk mulai diperkaya.