So tonight I’m gonna find
a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
(Alicia Keys - Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart)
When I came
across this song on TV the other day, I couldn’t help dragging myself back to
while ago when I, the long lost princess, was struggling with my heart, my dear
own heart. Silly how far it all seems now, while in fact it was happening only
a couple of months ago. I took my time trying to draw a pattern, a map, but I
found nothing. Not until this short text message popping on my screen last
night. A message from a very good friend of mine who has been a perfect figure
of reflection of what I have been through. One who has been extra patient in
dealing with the foolish version of me.
“God is
hilarious, isn’t He? He’s got a freaking good sense of humour.” I was stunned
by this statement. I know I have heard this so many times before, yet I couldn’t
help laughing out aloud that night. Now that it all comes to me! I seem to just
realize what a sublime director of life He can be. Indeed, God does know how to
make people burst into laughter. To amuse them with the most unpredictable
thing you can never imagine. He’s got the skill everyone. Now I won’t doubt
that ever again. He squeezes and twists your heart, rips it apart, like you can
never put the remaining pieces together, but in a matter of second he makes it
all surprisingly mended, even without any single scar. Amazing isn’t it?
But I’m not
here to talk about the misery. Not anymore. This brand new day is worth so much
more than just the tears and the heartache. Oh yes, I’m actually awake, my dear
friends. I eventually live in this tiny little planet I’d like to call “reality”.
That gigantic foreign planet I used to think I had been living in all this
time, has been long disappeared. It was merely a sham, a delusion. I would lie
if I said I was not upset. Well, I was upset. Because something I used to think
was tangible, now all of a sudden has turned into a fake. Imagine yourself as a
three-year-old little girl, somebody shows you a picture of
oh-so-tempting-and-colourful lollipop right before your eyes, then you try to
grab it and when it finally reaches your tongue you feel nothing but some sort
of tasteless quirky stuff. Then you know that it is only a picture. How
disappointed you can be? Or upset maybe? I would cry. But then, life goes on
everyone. I will throw that bloody piece of paper away, regardless of how beautiful
the picture might be. As it gives me nothing, not even a slight feeling of
being real. And the pain stops right there. So much for a delusion!
Now this
planet I plan to settle down is so real. So close. It is definitely inside my
solar system. My gravity. I can walk up and down so confidently, knowing that
my feet will step on the same ground. And even though they don’t, I can always
trace my own footprints. I will neither bounce nor rebound. I walk, run, jump,
crawl, walk again, run again and so on in ease. Oh I love this planet of
reality. The more I involve myself in its existence, the more I find it charming.
It is so limpid that I can almost see what is inside the core. And how come I
have never seen it coming before? I have missed its glorious ways to get beside
me. Then a sweet little voice of something like an angel resounds in both my
ears, “it’s been always there, darling. It’s been always beside you, so attached
to your gravity, though without chain. It’s being faithful as it is meant for
you in the first place. It’s for you, darling.”
That is the
state of bliss I think I’m gleefully awaken from such a long daydreaming. This
very planet I am currently studying is nothing new at all. It’s an old good
friend. Just like the moon to the earth. It revolves around me so constantly
and keeps my balance. Indeed, God has put me into a pretty good show, hasn’t
He? It entertains everybody around me. Some of them are smiling sincerely, some
are giggling in disbelief and some others are simply roaring with laughter. Yes,
my dear friends. This earth that used to foolishly adore the sun now has become
happier. The sun might be huge, but it burns me. The moon, with its dim light
has managed to keep me warm, make me whole all over again. This earth has modestly
fallen for the moon. Now let this earth finish her song, “And I could find a way to make it. Don’t hold on too tight. I’ll make it without you tonight”.
Yes, I made it, honey. I made it.
