Out of all the things in life, the
only thing that pleases, yet irritates me at the same time is probably the way
people around me have treated…me. Sometimes it feels like a huge conspiracy
when I find out how they treat me exactly in the same way, in spite of the fact
that they don’t know each other. It seems they have been in that very secret
meeting and eventually, even without asking for what I wish, have decided to
stick this personal label so called “The Princess” on my forehead.
Yes, I am the Princess. One
who must be protected, must be treated well and must be taken very good care
of. The one whom you are allowed to talk to, only in the most desired manner.
The one who shall see merely the loveliest stuff and hear only the nicest
words. The one, when there are million different things to finish, will get the
tiniest portion of works. While others, must roll their sleeves and work all
night long. My girl friends will offer to give me a ride, regardless that very
driver license which has been a permanent inhabitant of my wallet for the past
four and a half years. They just don’t seem to trust my ability to ride a bike!
And when we walk down the street with both hands full with plastic bags from
the mall, they will kindly offer to bring mine. Great, like I’m not able to
keep my balance with all those stuff in my hands. When it comes to boys, it is
even worse. These most egoistic creatures on earth always see me like, well, a
tiara maybe? Which is so beautiful, fragile, transparent, luxurious, dazzling,
and of course, pricey. They are being extra careful when I’m around, selecting
their words, even to each syllable. They use the softest pronunciation, and the
lowest tone. Okay, this arises nothing but one question, what is actually wrong
with me?
But don’t misunderstand! I do enjoy
being their tiny little Princess. I love being the object of all those pairs of
eyes which stare with admiration and compassion. After all, it’s not like every
girl has this divine power over some human beings like what I do. So, it must
be a blessing! Yet, sometimes it disturbs me a lot. It makes me feel simply…
weak. You know, like you can do nothing properly. Maybe that’s why I tend to
love the solitude. In the solitude, I am myself at the strongest version. There
are only, me, myself and Dini. So, three different souls, assembled in one
body. What is possibly stronger than that?!
Still, though, very often I get
myself feeling so proud for being indirectly powerful. I think I love this idea
of “the Princess” more and more now. I feel somewhat secure and pleased at
myself. The concept where I will constantly be the most important thing,
someone who always becomes the first reason, has given me such a pleasure at
its highest degree. I have become over confident and looked up upon myself,
though the latter does not actually make me an arrogant person and, for sure,
will never! Hence I inevitably take everything and everybody for granted. Oh
gosh! How this presumption has turned out so false in the end. And this ‘holly’
awakening just hit me when I meet this, okay, let’s use that term which is
likely pronounced by this very friend of mine, a game changer.
I guess she was totally right. I
never once thought it would happen to me; that I would lose my ability to rule.
But this guy has screwed me in the most unpleasant way. And guess how I react?
I simply watch and let him do that again and again, and again. I know, I am
such an idiot. But wait till you hear the worst! I am somewhat impressed. His
way of swinging my mood has turned out acceptable. I am impressed at how easy
he comes in and out of my life and messes everything up. I did once make
several attempts to free myself from this wicked lovely charm he quietly
offered, but it never did succeed. And so I thought I had found the one who was
worth fighting for. I, Dini, the Princess, for the first time in my life,
clearly chases a guy. The idea must be pretty absurd back a few years ago, but
at this moment it just feels so right. I have to have this guy. Oh forget that
dignity as a Princess! All I want to do is to chase this guy and to stalk him
wherever he goes. Well, at least that’s the concept I have about fighting for
love.
Meanwhile, this guy I am chasing
appears so out of reach. He constantly ignores me. The faster I run, the
farther he moves away. The more honest I become, the more indifferent he acts.
Forget this princess idea, he might even never notice my existence. And that’s
how the concept finally may come to an end. No more ‘the Princess’, what is
left is the…retarded one.
I am screwed, without doubt. And
maybe now I’m getting tired of pursuing him. Or, I’m probably sick of pursuing
someone who doesn’t even care to look back, not even a glance. I need a break,
a distraction. Something which brings back all those odd pleasant feelings of
being wanted and taken care of. After all, I am the Princess. I need people to
protect me, to adore me, and to make me feel matter. Still, why is it so
painful even merely to imagine my life with him out of the picture? Why
do I feel empty when he’s not around? Why, after months of suffering, I will
always crawl back to his feet? Well, I guess I just love this game changer so
much, then. This sounds correct. Or, should I find the Frog Prince to marry? Well,
either way, so long, Princess. Period.
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