My dearest,
It takes me months to write this letter. Yet you have no idea how hard I found it since that means I have to bring all our memories back. The only thing I want to say in this message is how terribly sorry I am for all the unhappiness I’ve caused you, but there are also many things I want to share, probably for the last time. So thank you if you manage to keep reading.
You’re happy now. You seem to get everything you want and I know you’re much convinced now that anything happened between us was just a big fat mistake from start to finish.
When I first realized I love you, I knew it’s a mistake. It was just not right, but the happiness at our being together kept sweeping it away. I was just an insanely happy girl, so high by your intense love and tenderness that I didn’t really care about the future.
But would you believe if I told you that you had made my life better? How you had extraordinarily defined me? Every single thing we did had made me what I am now. They mean a lot to me, trust me. Perhaps that’s the reason why I just can’t let them go.
The choice I had to make-between you and my family-was a terrible one. When you came to my house that very day, I knew we wouldn’t make it. I was stupid back then I suppose. I wish I hadn’t put you in that position. And so I would like to apologize. Words are ridiculously inadequate at conveying the guilt.
I couldn’t believe my luck that I had spent so many nights together with you. I couldn’t even believe how strong my feeling for you. But I believe you and me are through.
I bitterly regret all the misery I caused you but I will never regret our time together. When I’m fifty and looking back on my life, I’ll know that there was someone who used to be the most important. Most people don’t have in a lifetime what we had in the past five years and I will always be grateful for that. Now that you’ve moved on and met someone else, I am so glad. I know I am just a chapter in your story, but you were, you are and you will always be the whole.
I miss you!
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